Monday, 10 September 2012

(Advice post?) 'Mind over matter, body and soul...'

I've gained so much confidence over the past year, a lot of which I gained during late spring and summer, but either way I have come far. Though the road is long and I still have much ahead of me. The way I look effects how I feel greatly, I've grown from a little grungey 13 year old into a blossoming lady at 19. My fashion tastes when I was younger were very much of a ' wanna-be' type. I have always loved my rock music and my grungey music, and the friends I made at my first secondary school I attended were of the same 'scene'; it became a competition to be the best, to fit in. And I had the grumpy attitude to match as I had crazy hormone levels during puberty and it was before I was put on the pill to control them and my spots. But after moving to my second secondary school I became more 'me'. It was a country school, the people were more relaxed more friendly and loving. I found that I didn't want to try to be anyone else but me... But who was I?

So during my GCSEs and especially during college, I grew up, I changed and I slowly began to discover myself.

During school I started to get a taste for fashion, but it was mild and calm. I dressed appropriately but had a stupid haircut that made me look butch because I couldn't style it as I was clueless back then! Haha! To be honest, I've only just discovered a curling iron/wand.

 (See ^these^ awful pictures of me from school, see how my hair was layered wrong and just flicked out? 
Not a good look, right? Back then I didn't/wasn't allowed to wear make-up so I always looked ill, especially with the unkempt hair - Look so much worse compared to my beautiful Lizi [last pic])

 (Things kinda improved for Prom however, though my hair drop instantly as it was a wet day and my hair was too clean)

But it was during college when I struggled the most emotionally and mentally; the stressed built up and I withdrew into myself, lost my appetite and with it a lot of weight, struggled to connect with my friends any more and just worried too much about my subjects that I was struggling in... I was even told by my Doctor I had depression and gave my a trial of anti-drepessants. Now I'm not trying to tell you a sob story, far from it, I'm just trying to express how my fashion has changed over the years, how it's reflected who I am and why. During college I wanted attention but I didn't want people to constantly see my woes, so I always wore things like skinnies and pretty blouses, to make me look taller and even skinnier; I wanted people to compliment me, give me something positive to think about... Give me confidence. It worked for a bit. But I still didn't feel like me...

Then, I'm not sure how it really happened but I slowly slipped into the more elegant side of fashion, skirts, fancy underwear, heels, bigger heels, day dresses, day boots, doing a mini No.7 course at work, learning all about make-up, I was growing my hair out too so it made me look older, and I felt more and more like a lady! Night's out when I turned 18 had a big influence too, I hated being seen in the same dress twice on a night out, so I shopped more and got the taste for it... (Been addicted ever since).

But as I found this new love for lady-like fashion, I thought I'd dip back into my love of my favourite history area; World War Two. And then it hit me... Vintage was my little gem. I've always loved history, WW2 in particular, I love pottering around antique shops, I was growing to love charity shops, and I loved the dresses and hair of the era but never thought about feeling comfortable in it myself! But I bought a skirt from New Look that looked 1940 inspired, and I never really wore it out as I thought it was too 'dressy' for normal wear. But now... Now I don't see it that way, it makes me feel good, people look at me when I'm dressed up in a full vintage inspired outfit, but I no longer worry that they're laughing at me, rather I feel that they're just a little impressed maybe... And the older generations love it, especially my grandparents. I don't wear purely vintage outfits and I don't wear vintage/vintage inspired clothes EVERYDAY. But I do like to put a little bit of history into each of my outfits, and I always try to look smart. I feel sexier, more confident and happier when I look smart. So a bad hair day or no/bad make-up, for me is genuinely like the end of the world!

Moral of the story: It takes years to find your own style and a lot of the time you have to go soul searching and find yourself before your find your fashion style... And then when you do be happy with it, and you'll shine!!!

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